On the calender at least, it is Spring … outside, not so much (piles of snow & leaf-less trees). Still, I realize now I have been preparing for the change, when we shake off the snow & salt and make a fresh start, unencumbered by heavy winter coats and boots.
Truly, I have been going full steam ahead for so long that no sooner do I get through one deadline, do I set another because the feeling of racing even an impossible deadline is so much more comfortable than the overwhelm that envelopes me when there isn’t something taking obvious precedence over everything else.
In our digitally connected world, and with the “supermom” expectations of our culture – not to mention my own perfectionist tendencies – I am often driven by the need to always be doing something productive. Do not get me wrong … I am not above occasionally spending the entire Saturday watching Netflicks in my PJ’s and only getting up to feed our family of plugged in Zombies every couple of hours. However, this is usually the day after a big event, when I’m completely wiped out.
When the guilt has built up to a breaking point – usually it’s my youngest jumping into our bed to ask for food AGAIN, or showing us some great craft or experiment he did (often inspired by a youtube video) – I finally drag myself out. Typically I make a meal for all of us, clean the kitchen, throw some laundry in, delegate a few chores, and try to tame the growing pile of paperwork that has hitched a ride in by way of the kids’ schoolbags. After this whirlwind of domestic bliss, we sometimes fall back into our beds, and plug ourselves into the grid again.
The next morning though, I wake up with resolve, I make plans, pull focus, go out to do errands, get stuff done, maybe start a painting. It’s business as usual.
And that’s what Spring is like.
March break was perfect this year. I needed it desperately, I was burning the candle at both ends. So I announced on Facebook that I was taking a week-long hiatus from social media, and for the most part I pulled it off. I did not stop working, but I took off entire days to go on day trips with my family. I lived in the moment. And I found out that “quality time” 24-7 is exhausting for kids too, so while they did their own thing, I got some work in. Of course I didn’t get to do everything I wanted to do that week, but I did gain some valuable insight.
In fact, none of it is completely new, but I had lost sight of some of these truths – like how much we can learn looking through the eyes of a child, or how much positive energy can come from having a great conversation, spending the day with a friend, or an outing in a new environment. Trying something new.
I had forgotten that BUZZ of inspiration, which is not always there even when you engaged in creative work. And I had not realized how that feeling, that high of happiness and possibility can open you up to a flood of creative ideas. AND it translates into all parts of your life. Wow.
I have already been having a great year, since I shook off an old mindset and accompanying beliefs that were holding me back. But now, I feel energized – not every minute of the day – but in general, my optimism has returned.
So as I look forward, I see a handful of paths I can take, and instead of worrying that I might take the wrong one, I realize I have the desire and the energy to do them all.
I will try not to give you whiplash, but this is fair warning, as we move forward into a new season – I am going to be a busy bee. My path may seem a little erratic – but hopefully it will result in a great big pot of honey!
Then again, first I have to do my taxes …!!!
Oh, and I don’t know how long this link will be active, but Thanks to the St. Lucia Consulate in Toronto for re-posting my last blog post!